Without Reason

Last week I told you about how I fell in love with a guy I first saw in my dreams – go back and read post “Love Intuition”! This post is the continuation of that story.

After bumping into Vincent every single day of the week, we met at our friend Julien’s goodbye party. As we sat there, I pretended that I could disguise the huge attraction I was feeling for that guy and enjoy my best friend’s company.

No Prank

Men can get intimidated by accomplished women.

At the end of the night, Vincent asked for a lift, as we were heading to the same neighborhood. Suddenly, I felt that car was too tight for us, my heart wanted to explode, the weirdest thing I had felt in a long time, to be honest. So, I pulled over to the curb, and turned the engine off. Vincent looked at me, puzzled.

“Are you out of gas?”

“No, I have too much gas, if you want to know. I want to talk to you about something,” I explained, as my heart was pounding faster that I could process, “I am infatuated with you,” I finally let out.

Vincent looked behind the driver’s mirrors and outside the car.

“Where is the camera, Laura? This is a prank, right?”

I felt misunderstood and vulnerable, since I had really exposed myself, and he wasn’t buying it.

“No prank, why would you say this?”

“Because you are so gorgeous, you look like a Hollywood movie star, how on earth would you be in love with fat, disgraced, broke me, Laura?”

George Clooney Who?


I finally laughed - so that was how he saw himself? Yes, he was in the process of splitting up from the mother of his daughter, and he was unemployed, and had no money left in the bank. And he was a slightly overweight. But all I could see was the very handsome, well-educated guy who grew up between Europe, South America and Asia. A great father to his daughter. A kind and sweet man - who looked like George Clooney! That was all I could see.

“It’s not a prank, Vincent. I know how strange it sounds, but I can’t stop thinking about you, that is the truth. I don’t see your unemployment or the few extra pounds around your belly, I don’t care you ride buses because you can’t afford a cab ride, I am just being honest.”

I could tell that he felt ashamed and ego boosted at the same time. But he didn’t say anything for a long beat. Outside my car, the night was very dark, no moon to help either of us guide our feelings. The sound of the buses crossing the street behind us was getting more and more sparse as the hours advanced.

One of the biggest lessons I have ever learned!

Punch


“I am very confused. You are an independent woman with a fantastic career, you take care of your girls, and you are gorgeous! Why on earth would you want to be with me?”

“Love reasons without reason,” I quoted.

“Shakespeare…”

“Maybe we do have something in common. Intellectual background, single parents, etc etc… So, what do you say?” I asked him, demanding, with my eyes, a kiss that never came. Rather, what he did deliver was a punch to my heart.

“Laura, I am very flattered. But I am not ready to start anything. I am ending my marriage and when I get out, I will want to be single for a long, long time… As wonderful as you are, all I feel is an amazing friendship growing among us.”


Ouch, that hurt! A lot! I turned the car on and started driving. I had humiliated myself so much that I could not endure another second. Vincent understood my embarrassment and remained silent, looking ahead. I drove for maybe 15 minutes like this. The radio was playing Say a Prayer, by Duran Duran, and I pumped the volume up, praying for that moment to finish soon.

As I drove off that day, I felt vulnerable and angry.

When I stopped in front of his building, I didn’t even want to look at him, so I waved goodbye. Of course, the motherfucker had to torture my soul and give me a wet kiss on my cheek. As soon as he exited the car, I started crying and just stopped around 4am, when I finally fell asleep.

At 7am, I saw his daughter in the school bus while I was boarding my Luisa, and I felt like crying again. I literally looked like a dumb teenager. I went back upstairs and called two of my BFFs to cry and confide in them. They both agreed: what a jerk! Why on earth, if he thought I was so special, couldn’t he spare at least a kiss? So, we all agreed that calling him an asshole would make me feel better, and so we did it. That’s what friends are for, after all!


Butterflies


Around lunch time, when I was finally feeling better, Vincent called and I… I picked up… even though I regretted it the second I did it.

“I can’t stop thinking about you and what you said, Laura,” his crispy voice announced. He was at a very noise place.

“So?” I replied.

“I may be getting infatuated with you now.”

“Look, let’s call it what it is. You don’t want a relationship, right? And I don’t want just sex, I have plenty of guy flirting with me” I said, trying to sting him with jealousy.

“I am sure you do”, and he paused, just to pick up “I am in a bus right now heading back home. I am very close to your house to be honest. Are you home?”

All the butterflies that I had spent the whole morning trying to assassinate, kicked back in my stomach, as if they were graced with a second life.

“Yes, I am home but very busy,” I replied.

“I’ll tell you what. This traffic light in front of your building. If when the bus drives by it is red, then I will get out and come see you. If it’s green, I will proceed to my house.”


All Red Lights Turn Green


I hung up telling myself: I would not let a red light decide my future! His method is appalling! I tried going back to writing that stupid script I had to finish, but all I could do was stare at a cruelly blank page. I wrote and erased sentences until I heard a knock on my door.

“The light was red,” Vincent said, while grabbing me by the waist, like a character in one of those senseless romantic movies I had been obsessing with and kissed me. French kissed me, of course.

So that’s how I fell in love for the first time after splitting up from my ex. Profoundly and quickly in love. I overlooked all the red flags (or traffic lights), dove in heart first, and crashed into his arms.

#love #redlights #redflags #infatuation #destiny #shakespeare #vulnerable #kiss #future #beingreal


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